Cold Fire (2008?)

I'm a gamer (table-top role-playing enthusiast). When I was playing a game called Earthdawn, I made a character named Kat: a young woman alienated by all things human, obsessed with death and metahumans (elves, t'skrang, other "races" that had humanoid features but weren't technically human). Because my Game Master was awesome, my Earthdawn character had a chance to meet characters from a Shadownrun (futuristic, semi-apocalyptic) game in which I played. Kat became (non-sexually) infatuated with a human (character) called Blend.

This is an excerpt written by my character about Blend (who, because of her Earthdawn-esque fascination with the elements and his strangeness [not only in personality, but in being so different from the people of her time] she thought of as burning without flame) ...

Cold Fire

Cold Fire, you remind me of the best of one long ago.
His eyes, but a purer soul shining like a million diamonds.
That night, those words, stolen moments when I wove threads and tales while you watched and showed me a world I'd never glimpsed. And in that time I learned of a sun I'd never seen, a sky I'd never felt rush over me in wind and rain. And I knew a feeling only imagined before.
Why?
Why must you be from this time and belong to a world I can never reach. You remind me I can covet feelings one of my kind will never have.
Oh, Cold Fire, you're a reminder of a time I can see but never really understand.
Long after our days of words are gone, I'll remember your kindness as you told me I was no longer dead ... and what you meant to me.

link to reviews/articles I've had published

http://nwitimes.com/entertainment/books-and-literature/article_ff4a6f2d-923c-577f-b457-b561fac42bf3.html

http://nwitimes.com/entertainment/article_a5e53ddd-c6e4-5442-ab8c-200007895efc.html

http://media.www.pucchronicle.com/media/storage/paper1082/news/2007/08/27/Entertainment/Wizard.World.Chicago-2936800.shtml

http://media.www.pucchronicle.com/media/storage/paper1082/news/2007/09/04/Entertainment/Take-A.Walk.Down.crooked.Little.Vein-2947281.shtml

http://media.www.pucchronicle.com/media/storage/paper1082/news/2007/12/10/Entertainment/the-Mist.Is.Thick.With.Disturbing.Ideas-3139404.shtml

http://media.www.pucchronicle.com/media/storage/paper1082/news/2007/11/05/Entertainment/I.Blame.Flavor.Flav-3075712.shtml

http://media.www.pucchronicle.com/media/storage/paper1082/news/2007/10/01/Entertainment/Bad-Plot.Fantastic.Action.In.resident.Evil-3000485.shtml

Pictures of Memories (2008)

"Pictures of Memories"

Glimpses of times past
I can't prove I existed in
Pictures of memories
And days I'll never recall

Music plays
Accompanied by flashes I don't quite see
Always asking
Questions that have no answers

Tears drip from my soul
Without recollection of why
Every lost memory
Also erased a piece of hope

Sleep brings fear
Of what I won't remember tomorrow
And whether I'll ever know
The things I knew today

Deep End

While I was in New Orleans, I went swimming in the heated outdoor pool. Later that day, I wrote this ...

DEEP END

Bottomless
There's only this slight turquoise shade spread before me
The warmth covers me
Drifting and nudging
Slight waves
This oasis from hustle and bustle
Business suits cast aside
"Marco" and "Polo" cry out from the kiddie pool beside me
Isolated, they are still happy
And, as the wind blows around me, I'm content
Slightly beyond control
I'm floating and alive
This pool feels bottomless
And I could stay forever
Crossing from wall to wall
Endlessly

Photographs of Memories (2004)

She takes photographs of memories
Fearing they'll slip away
And she wakes up alone
Gripping a pillow she wishes was him
She lives in a shadow of forgotten goals
And a woman she'll never be
She reads books more rarely now
Curses to herself when she forgets the ending
Waiting for a tomorrow that never comes
She counts lonely nights
Remembering (too fondly) the bad days
Where home was a haze of pretty pills
And sweet unconscious hours
But now she knows carefully said words
Well-timed smiles and hidden tears
She clings tightly to her slightly torn sanity
Holding on for dear life (wishing for death)
Swimming through stories in movies
And trying to make it okay
She sees home in his smile
But feels none in her heart
And her soul has been gone awhile
So she takes photographs of memories
And looks at them alone late at night
Wondering if this is as good as it gets
But always wanting more

Pardon the Destruction (2000)

Please excuse the mess
I still haven't cleaned up all the broken pieces
I've swept a little under the rug

Be careful
The floor is still wet
My tears haven't dried completely

Please excuse the skeleton
He hasn't quite made it to the closet
But he doesn't mean any harm

Wait, don't sit down
There's still broken promises in that chair
And they have jagged edges

He was a hurricane
Leaving a path of destruction
So, please, excuse the mess in my heart

Vampiro (2005)

El beso es sexuales y más
su sangre entre mis labios y en mi cuerpo esperaba.
Yo le toco y lamido cerró su herida.
Tú no se siente daño
y yo me siento su vitalidad dentro de mí.
Yo nunca esto rendiré,
aunque mi amigo dijome una vez la Lasombra cace nuestra clase.

She Speaks in Riddles (2005/2006)

She speaks in riddles
And answers questions with twists and turns
Her smiles are vague and distant

But her words rarely tell the stories deep inside
Stories of thunderclouds and lightening
Chasing winds too loud for her shaken mind
Darkness bigger than the thoughts she allows
Swallowing herself
Drowning in rain but never screaming

She listens to their questions and contemplates
Answering in complicated riddles
That sound so terribly clever
But amount to nothing

As she runs from what she does not know
Softly crying in the dark
Holding on to a tomorrow she can only beg for
Each night in semi-dark empty rooms
Drowning in her own thoughts

She reaches out and hopes for assistance
But only all too rarely
Because usually she just speaks in riddles
In twists and turns that keep her a step ahead of herself

How Do I Measure This Year (2004)

How do I measure this year?
In miles driven in the cars - his or mine?
In cups of coffee drank or pills swallowed?
In tears shed that no one saw,
or the ones they saw but did nothing about?

How do I measure this year?
In the distance I walked from car to class and work and back again?
In rings of a phone reaching him or him reaching me?
In poems written
as screams from my heart when there was no one to listen?

How do I measure this year?
In sunrises I was awake for but didn't see?
In hours waiting for calls that didn't come?
In hope I had, but lost as time went by
and turned to sadness as autumn swept in?

How do I measure this year?
In classes not attended or assignments rushed through?
In drops of blood spilled from my veins?
In empty hours where no one noticed me
as I suffered in silence?
How do I measure this year?
In times I fell asleep in strange places?
In times I knew that my world had turned sideways?
In conversations that I knew would go badly
but had anyway because I had no choice?

How do I measure this year?
In whispers in my head?
In dread and bad occurrences?
In knowledge I never wanted
but couldn't avoid and can never erase?

Runs Without Time (2005)

Her name tells of the hours she steals from the ticking clock
The truth is she knew the secrets of midnight whispers and twilight hours
Everyone learned that she could truly be in two places at once
And she journeyed far and wide each day
With whirls of papers and words flying around her
Fueled by sweet caffeine
And chasing life like it was sprinting away
She knew how to spin yarns while marking pages
To avoid sleep like the empty hollow beast
Shaking early morning hours for the last drops of use like a nearly empty milk bottle
And she always stayed late to hunt ideas like bear
So they smiled at tired eyes but finished projects
And assured her that time would occasionally stop for hours of rest and laughter

Death -- A Dark Fairytale (2006)

Held prisoner in a tower
I waited for you to rescue me
You sent word that you were coming
And I watched through my tiny window

You rode up on your black horse
Wearing beautifully tarnished armor
Coming face-to-face with my captor
An evil dragon, with scales the color of blood

You fought awhile, I’ll admit
But retreated when burned by its fire
You cowered from its mighty breath
And as I cried, you sadly waved
And rode away

I watched with tears flowing down my cheeks
And slept an enchanted slumber
You snuck in another day
When the dragon was away satisfying its hunger

You took me away from the tower
And put me in your dungeon
Where you never ignored me
But tortured me, daily

I bled where you whipped me
Where you drug your sword along my skin
And I cried out in pain
Until I died

Then you asked me, with an accusing tone,
“Why have you left me?
Didn’t you know I loved you?
Don’t you know I rescued you
So you could be free?”

You didn’t know I finally was.

Adventures Never Taken (2006)

Mary watches monkeys at the zoo on Saturdays
And dreams of freedom
Imagining African jungles and South American forests
Thinking of adventures never taken
And roads never traveled
She feels the wind go through her hair
And wishes she were on the open road
Going fast through late-night deserted streets
Sweet summer air she never breathed

Choosing instead buildings cluttered with books
Stale air
Too many people speaking too many self-important words
And facts fell down upon her head like snow
She chose careful words and wove them
Material coming from threads of knowledge
Less experience than she could have had
But she devoured books like a starving girl
And choked out ideas that received nods and smiles
Giving up the future she dreamt of like flowers

But flowers die, and knowledge clings on
And she still glimpses a shadow of her former self
Clawing at the inside of her mind with neatly trimmed dirty fingernails
Years later she lingers alone, dressed conservatively
Remembering choices she made years before
As she watches monkeys at the zoo on Saturdays